i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
