glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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