Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
