My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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