3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
