i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
