so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
