I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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