i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
