I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
