My nipple is on Facebook.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
