I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
