Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
