I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
