you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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