so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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