i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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