His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
