Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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