We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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