My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
