i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
