i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
