its not stalking. its research.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
