Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
