I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
