WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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