Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
