Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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