Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
