hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
