Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
