the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
