I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Randomize
