I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
