You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
