and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
