LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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