Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
