there's paper in my vomit.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
