with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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