I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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