I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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