sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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