We won't sleep together?
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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