I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
