naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
