my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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