I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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