Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
