i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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